His Long Blonde Hair
by Who Died of Ennui
Summary: The story of how Draco Malfoy and Fleur Delacour became friends. One word: hair. This is a parody, by the way.


His Long Blonde Hair  
  
It was autumn at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and Fleur Delacour had come to teach, as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. In her very first class were the Slytherins.  
  
"Good daiy, class," she shrilled.  
  
"G'day, Mrs. Delacour," replied the class obediently.  
  
"Pleaz, do call me Fleur. It is what I am in the accustomedment of having."  
  
"Yes'm," said most of the class. However, three Slytherin boys were making a fuss, giggling and blushing and snorting.  
  
Fleur looked at them pointedly for a moment, until they quieted. Then, a strange-looking boy over by the window raised his hand.  
  
"Yiss? Who are you? What iss your name? What do you want?"  
  
"I am Signor Draco Mal-foy, emphasis on the last syllable there, and I very desperately need to go to the potty."  
  
"Please, and take me with you," shouted one of the three boys who had been talking.  
  
"Shut up, and go to hell," said Draco pleasantly.  
  
"Will do."  
  
"Yiss, you may go to the pottyroom. But be not long. Today ve are going to learn about how to defend one's hair against curses, hexes, and such!" Fleur articulated.  
  
"Hair? Defending one's hair? O, joy! I really don't have to go that badly! I want to stay here and listen!" Draco screamed happily.  
  
"Meester Malfoy, if you would stay here after class--"  
  
"Certainly! That's totally fabulous! Spiffy!" Draco said.  
  
Fleur gave him a half-smile, as an optimist would say, or a half-frown, in the words of a pessimist. She proceeded to teach the lesson, flipping her long shimmery locks throughout. Almost everybody made a great show of boredom, but Draco sat entranced, occasionally twirling his own shoulder- length white blonde hair around his finger and then tossing it back flirtatiously.  
  
After an hour and a half, the lesson ended. Once again, most everybody vaulted over the desks and chairs to get out and get away, but Draco stayed.  
  
"Now, Meester... Draco, eef I may call you that...?"  
  
"Yes, it's fabulous. Call me whatever you wish, dah-ling."  
  
"Yiss, thanks. I was just wondering..."  
  
There was a long pause. He looked at her intently, and she looked at him rather glassily, due to the irritation of having poked herself in the eyeball with her eyeliner pencil just that morning.  
  
Fleur finally continued. "What brand of hair product do you use? It zeems to 'ave done wonders for you, and I'm alwahs looking for a new thing."  
  
Draco smiled and told her. Then, he asked her if she would meet him by Greenhouse Number Three that evening, after dinner. She agreed.  
  
-----  
  
After he had finished his dinner, Draco wandered outside, ignoring Snape as he tried to ask him to come to his office, and eventually made it to the greenhouse.  
  
Fleur was already there, waiting.  
  
"You ate quickly," said Draco.  
  
"Ah, I did not eat. It vould make my fig-ure most-- how you say-- chubbay?"  
  
"Yes, I understand. I do almost the same thing, except I only starve myself every other day, not every day."  
  
"Ah, yiss."  
  
"So, I've been meaning to ask," Draco began. "Erm... well... I'm not quite sure how to phrase this, but..."  
  
"Yiss?"  
  
"Whosyerharedreser?"  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"I'm sorry... who does your hair? You know, cut, and style, and stuff," said Draco.  
  
"Oh," said Fleur. "Why, it is a Meester Maurice Debouementouis, who leeves in Paris,"  
  
"Ah, yes, well, thank you!"  
  
"Aneetime."  
  
"Yes... because when I first saw your hair, I just thought to myself, 'There's a girl who has an absolutely super hairdresser!' And I felt I needed to ask. I've been looking for a hairdresser... a hairdresser who can do--" his voice filled with so much emotion for Fleur's lovely hair that he could not speak, so he simply gestured to it, and, after a moment, gently touched it.  
  
"Yiss, yiss, Dracooo, it is all right," she said, and leaned close to him.  
  
"No, it's all right, I'm done," he said. "Well, I'll see you around!" He walked off towards the castle.  
  
Fleur looked after him, and then realized why he had not been attracted to her.  
  
"Oh, bugger," said she, beginning to walk back to the castle also. "And he 'ad such lovely hair, too!"  
  
The End 


End file.
